Friday, January 21, 2011

Am I interesting?

Guys, I'm having some serious problems. I need some validation. I feel a little self-centered, but isn' that what blogging is? A self-centered self-made world in which the only opinion that matters is yours and yours only?

But the thing is, right now, is I'm having trouble. I have no ideas, and I'm feeling a little blog-disillutioned. I don't want to hate on blogging, because blogging is what has gotten me to continue writing. And as roomie says, "blogging is like a cool daily magazine you put out yourself!" But that's easy for her to say, she's super creative and always has something to "publish". I'm just disillutioned because I feel like, sometimes, blogging is a popularity contest. Who has more followers? Who gets more comments? Who has cool giveaways? I mean, those have never been the point of my blog.  I never really wanted to blog about my life, because my life just isn't that interesting. Oh, Stephanie, you're just being negative! Let's just go have a pity party. That's what you're all thinking. But right now, I have nothing to blog about, so I'm blogging about blogging. Maybe I'm just not feeling funny or comical right now, maybe I'm just going through and introspective phase. I have been working on my fiction which, while satisfying to say the least, always kind of makes me a little moody.

And then, because I read so much of my own writing during these periods, I start to feel down on myself, like a true self-possessed "artist", and look at all the pathetic books that are published (hi, Snooki and Lauren Conrad...are you shitting me?), and I think about how hard it is to want to be a writer. And how rare it is to have talent, and how many (like me) think they do have talent but are just FOOLING themselves. See? It's a downward spiral full of doubt and self-loathing. God, we are so narcissistic. Ok, fine, I am. But just right now, not always. I hope.

Recently I read a bunch of my old posts, and I was laughing in spite of myself. I am funny! And I shouldn't care whether my readership is up or down. I should just blog to make myself happy and to continue writing, because a writer always writes.
Seriously, folks. I am one pathetic sack of junk. Here's some of my good stuff, in case you missed it:

NYC hates me

romantic comedies suck

renting apartments

waiting tables

bad books

hey! its ok!

single fears

and of course, BOYZ

and lest we forget, beer.

2 comments:

  1. you are funny & you are interesting.. ideas will come your way soon, i'm sure!

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