Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Well I've already hated on the Duggars, that lovely Christian family from Arkansas. My mom and I think that one of their kids someday will rebel and write a tell-all book about their disgusting family. Entertaining, nonetheless, is the special about Josh Duggar's wedding to wife Anna. They waited until they were married to kiss. And I mean their first kiss. Ever. Also, on the way to their hotel after the reception TLC shows the pair listening to a Christian sex instruction tape. I wish I was kidding.

But enough about them. My next target is TV's favorite Republican: shiny, pure Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View. The blond beacon for wannabe Sarah Palin housewives everywhere complete with a gold cross around her neck, Elisabeth may be perhaps the most dangerous person on daytime TV.

Why, you ask? Because as a daytime star who appeals to women (as opposed to the dread-locked Whoopi Goldberg or the brash Joy Behar), she really can get her message out there. It helps that she is the most beautiful person on The View, with her football player husband and her catholic education (I know I shouldn't hate...I also have a Catholic education), she is the quintessential thing that many American women want to be. It doesn't matter that Whoopi and Joy, and even Barbara Walters and Sherri Shepard have more intelligent things to say, Elisabeth just blabbers over them. Her gloating is unreal. Just last week when the INDEPENDENT Scott Brown won for senator in Massachusetts, Elisabeth sat smugly in her chair, stating how obviously the people had spoken and were tired of politics as usual in Washington. Um, HELLO. We just endured 8 years at the unfit hands of George W., the man who wrecked the world. Its conservatives like Elisabeth that are so quick to write Obama off, they can't even give him a chance. The man walked into office amidst 2 wars and an economy headed for complete collapse. This cannot be fixed overnight! Its not even feasible to think he could have fixed it in a year! But Elisabeth with her lips lacquered with gloss sits there with her nose in the air naysaying the shit out of the democratic party, and believing that simply because Scott Brown won in Massachusetts that republicans everywhere had won, and that the entire country wishes Bush was back in office.

Whew. I'm starting to sweat. These things can really get me going...just be happy it's not October 2008, or I would have probably posted 10 times about how much I hated Sarah Palin. I still might.

For your pleasure, and in case I was unclear or inarticulate, this youtube video should explain much of what I am feeling:

Monday, January 25, 2010

Hot Mess

This is usually how a typical Thursday, Friday or Saturday night might go for me. I figure I only have one semester of college left, only so much more time to be this pathetic. Plans also vary depending on the day of the week (Thursday is usually a bar night, Friday a bit more low key, Saturday almost a guaranteed blackout), but I'll do my best to consolidate the general happenings.

4 PM: a trip to the liquor store, sometimes target, usually with pal MPF. Most of the time we are too hungover to accomplish anything, but rather wander around Target confused, wondering why we allowed ourselves to drink so much the night before. Upon arrival at the liquor store, we are also too hungover to even look at something like vodka without wanting to die. Beer and Wine it is.

6 PM: Dinner.

7-8 PM: Showers and pre-gaming. Usually a few beers or perhaps a bottle of wine, depending on how drunk I want to be.

9 PM: impromptu Flip-cup tournament either downstairs from us or in the apartments across campus. my teeth are usually purple from the wine, my makeup has started to run, and my armpits have started to sweat. Not drunk enough yet.

10-11 PM: Someone rouses everyone to go off campus. I stuff my coat pockets with emergency beers; you never know where there might not be a keg, like on the street, walking to your destination.

12 AM: more flip cup, usually led by a certain friend of mine who has an affinity for flannel, LL Bean duck boots, and La Roux (a really cool British new-age techno group). People start doing keg stands. I do one despite wearing a dress. Also, well on my way to blacking out. Some guy attempts to breakdance but instead belly flops on the cement floor.

1 AM and beyond: Pretty friends are let into a party. They beg to let me come in too. Once inside, pretty friends get hit on. I contemplate leaving, but drink more keg beer instead. Everyone is too drunk to play more games, so afore mentioned flannel friend starts a dance party of epic proportions.

From here, the night can end two ways. I either sober up enough to return to my room and order Dom's with the Sweet Sea (preferably onion pizza and cinnastix), gorge myself and go to bed drunk and hiccuping with heartburn, or I can wake up in the morning, somehow mercifully in my own bed (albeit in my clothes from the night before), without recollection of how I got there.

Good thing there's only 4 months of this left. Perhaps someday I'll grow up.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Friends all over the World

I'm still not writing from my own computer...that slut is still trying to have its STD removed by the Geek Squad. Bah.

I just wanted to give a shoutout to my best gal pal from high school Annie over at the blog Annie G. Says. Her blog is funny and awesome, and it's all about her travels in Turkey! Her earlier posts are also about her 6 week trip to Armenia this past summer. She is super smart and always has funnier things to say than I do. Check out her blog for some great pics, travel trips, and overall hilarity. If you even semi-enjoy reading my musings, hers will do no less than entertain.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

A Day of totally un-fun expenses and general annoyances

Today will be the day that I write an entry about things that have solely peeved me out today, including personal attacks by a professor and an angry computer virus.

January 16th dawned sunny in Massachusetts, a day warm relative to the past week I spent race training at Sunday River in Maine. I luxuriately slept until 9 (much better than the 7 AM wakeup call of the past 7 days), upon which time I rose from my slumber. I meandered about the house for a bit, washing my ski stuff and having a little breakfast, watching CNN, and other things. It was all downhill from here.

I turned on my computer (I write now from my sister's laptop) only to find a garish green screen and a SPYWARE notification. Sweet, I thought, haven't used the damn thing in a week and this is what I get. So I take a little roadtrip over to the Geek Squad, those saints, and after a cool $200 bucks, they mercifully tell me my computer will be fixed in 2-3 days.

After this, I took my car to get the oil changed, where the mechanics tell me a few belts or sensors or some crap needs to be replaced. Like I can afford it. I told them I would talk to my dad, but of course I won't.

Upon arriving home, I check my school email, where I find that I have been reamed out by a big headed professor for not registering for the right class. Why is it that some professors are always on a power trip? There was a misunderstanding, but that does not need to escalate into making the student feel stupid.

If it's not something, it's something else.

in order to take my mind off of everything from the state that the country of Haiti is in right now to my own petty complaints, I have decided to watch this probably 5 times:

You probably won't regret watching this either.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Really Bad Theatre

During my long breaks, I love to indulge myself with TV. I do this especially over Christmas break because it’s too short to have a job, and I have no schoolwork. It’s a small problem; the week after Christmas I killed a season of Entourage and two seasons of House. Instead of doing something intelligent like reading, or something outdoorsy like going for walks or skiing, I rot my brain in front of the TV. At least at the beginning of my vacation, I watched TV that had some kind of heart, some kind of brains.

But as so many good things do, it’s all gone to shit. I have sucked down every episode I could of Jersey Shore, the popular MTV show about deplorable lowlifes living in "Sleaside" Seaside, NJ.

And now, I’m onto this show produced by ABC Family called “The Secret Life of the American Teenager”. It’s horrible. A 15 year old in suburbia gets knocked up at band camp by a bad boy who has sex like a frat guy (at the ripe old age of 16). The show also involved pregnant girl’s 15 year old boyfriend who wants to marry her despite the fact she’s pregnant by someone else. There’s a plethora of other horrible characters. Coupled with acting worse than that of a daytime soap opera, this could possibly be the worst debacle currently on television.

And yet, I cannot stop watching.

Secret Life might even be more addicting than House. The bad acting somehow seems not so bad after awhile. People that you thought were ugly become beautiful. I start to be able to relate. Its crazy! I need to go back to school soon, just so I can start to rebuild my IQ, because this string of awful TV watching has got to loosen its grip on my life. My taste has descended from the witty banter of House and his crew trying to crack medical mystery into the not so witty banter of kids talking about whether or not they want to have sex. No one in real life talks about it as much as these kids do! Just frank each other already; the length at which you discuss it is exhausting.

Did I mention I’m also currently a huge fan of MTV’s Teen Mom? Help.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

a book problem

Most girls love shopping, but, you guessed it: not me! Don’t get me wrong, I love clothes. I could shop online for hours. But the prospect of going into a store to shop for jeans or tops or whatever kind of stresses me out. Maybe its because shopping online gives you a kind of anonymity. It’s not like I’m buying weird shit, but sometimes I like to shop in private, where no one can see what size I’m trying on, or how much I’m spending. I also don’t like to be accosted by salespeople that leach onto you as soon as you walk into the store. “No, thank you, I’m just looking. Thanks for offering to set up a dressing room, but if you would just leave them unlocked, I am self sufficient enough to go in there myself. And if I need another size, I can find it. Go away. If I need you I will come and get you.” I should just preface every trip to J.Crew with that statement. Because it stresses me out to go shopping, I usually refrain from doing just that. I still wear sweaters from my senior year of high school. I have a maximum of about 10-15 minutes per store when I go there in person, whereas I can spend 45 minutes perusing when I shop online. There is one place I go where I don’t get stressed out, where I could literally spend hours perusing and never be bored, and always spend way more than I should without caring. And that place, ladies and gentlemen, is the bookstore. I could go into the bookstore and spend an hour and a half in there without even looking at my watch. I never feel bad about spending money there. Sometimes I don’t even finish the books I buy! I’ll read about half and then get another one that holds my attention for longer. And I always buy serious books too, I never let myself relax with some cheesy chick lit; everything I read has to be somewhat intelligent. For example, about a month ago I bought Ernest Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms. I’m bored with it. Isn’t that horrible? So I went and bought three other books. Three. When I have a perfectly good half read book on my nightstand. Why is it that I can spend $60 on a couple of books, but its nearly impossible for me to buy a new pair of shoes without agonizing over it? Forget a Carrie Bradshaw like addiction to shoes, my vice appears to come in the form of a codex with a pretty picture on the cover.