Saturday, October 30, 2010

Romantic comedies

They are quite possible the most dead form of art there is (besides alien-adventure-end-of-the-world blockbusters). They are incredible wastes of money, a drain on your wallet and your mind. The acting is usually bad, the writing even worse. I do love a good chick flick every once in awhile, but they are so dang predictable. In the last year they have been bad (When in Rome), badder (You Again), to baddest (The Backup Plan). Notice two of them star Kristen Bell, the queen of the bad chick flick. But Kristen must have been too busy filming her next squeaky clean romantic role, because Rachel McAdams was roped into the next worst romatic comedy of the year: Morning Glory.

Now, this little piece of art isn't in theaters yet, but I have a few predictions to make. You see, what all romantic comedies have, and why they all appeal to women all over America are a few key elements: a pretty girl dedicated to the advancement of her career, a terrible boss/family/sister/situation, and a really hot guy who wants to be with the girl. She tries to balance the career and the guy (which SO MANY women can understand), but ends up failing, and then, winning. That's why she wins our hearts. She does the impossible: she gets it all.

This is what will happen in Morning Glory:
-Smart, pretty girl (probably went to and Ivy league or Stamford-type school, because apparently those are the only schools that exist) lands a nearly IMPOSSIBLE job to get. She's freshfaced and sweet, ready to TAKE ON THE WORLD.
- The hosts of the show will be set in their ways and will hate her and hate each other, but sweet, smart, pretty freshfaced girl will have so many GREAT FUN COOL AWESOME INNOVATIVE IDEAS that she will keep on keepin AMERICAN of her!
- There will be a super HOT GUY she probably WORKS WITH who LOVES HER (for really no reason, in these movies can barely articulate anything besides "love"). She sleeps with him sometimes, but is uber focused on her CAREER and the success of THE SHOW.
- The culmination will come when everything blows up in her face. She will simultaneously: 1. Screw up at work, 2. screw up with guy, 3. realize she loves the guy, but has ruined everything and now has to maybe go live with her parents, or at least visit and they will make her coffee and give her a pep talk.
- Cue sad montage of girl walking sad and lonely through city streets while some "indie" Ben Harper or Ray LaMontagne song plays in the background. (Another thing about these movies: they thing that everything not played on the radio but in their movie makes them avant garde)
- Somehow she issues a tearful, embarrassing mass apology, and everyone forgives her. In the end, she gets the GUY and the CAREER and live HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Cue happy Natasha Bedingfield song. There might even be some old people love between the hosts whose mutual loathing for each other has turned into undeniable LUST.

Nobody ever seems to care that these movies are complete fantasy. Take The Back Up Plan for example, where JLo, pretty far from the block, plays a single gal pregnant by IVF suddenly meets a guy. In real life, this guy wouldn't be sticking around. He would be gone...byebye...see ya never. If Morning Glory was real life, Rachel McAdams wouldn't have gotten this job in the first place, and she would still be living at home with her parents, or working as a desk clerk somewhere. Hollywood sucks.

Bound to happen in this movie as well:
-Clumsiness on the part of the girl, because no matter how smart or savvy female characters are, men have to feel safe about their roles in life, so the girls are always falling all over the place. "Omigod, save me! I'm so silly and I fall all the time!"
- A couple of gags where OLD PEOPLE play with TECHNOLOGY! Gosh, aren't old people so stupid and funny?

Can't wait to see it.

1 comment: