5 Songs

1. Brand New - Play Crack the Sky

2. Van Morrison - Caravan

3. Alexi Murdoch - Orange Sky

4. Frou-Frou - Breathe In

5. Ray LaMontagne - Winter Birds

All the single ladies: the fear that Bridget Jones and Sex and the City have given us

The other day I was surfing the internet (probably while I was procrastinating, let's be real here) and I came across this op-ed from and online women's publication The Lemon Drop aptly titled "Are Bridget Jones and Liz Lemon Making Us Afraid to Die Alone?" Eff. Of course, like a car wreck or seeing old people at a nude beach, I couldn't look away. Basically, the article chronicled single women's fear of being alone. Seemingly, this is only a problem for women; you never hear about men being alone and miserable in their thirties, but more on that lovely double standard later. At the end of the article was a wonderful, pour salt in the wounds, face-it-you'll-be-alone-forever poll that asked: 'What do you think of Liz-Lemon syndrome?' In case any of you don't know, Liz Lemon is Tina Fey's character from 30-Rock. She scheduled a root canal on Valentine's Day because she didn't want to be conscious. Yeah. The options for answering were:
1. I admit it--I'm scared of being single in my thirties
2. being single in your 30s is normal and doesn't mean you binge eat and can't get laid
3. I'm not really scared to be single in my 30s AND I love a good joke about getting poundcake on my cat.

Well, shit. I kept replaying in my head that one episode of Sex and the City when Miranda first buys her apartment and calls Carrie in the middle of the night, convinced she was going to choke on some chicken and die alone and be eaten by her beloved cat, Fatty. I was starting to palpitate and instead of answering, I exed out of the article. Then, when I watched Bridget Jones's diary last night, the scene with her drunk in her P.J.s belting out "All By Myself" nearly brought me to tears.

Today I got to thinking about why, at the tender age of 22, I am so so so afraid of being alone. It's been awhile, admittedly, since my last relationship (enough time for many of my other friends, who were single for less time than me, to already have significant others), but why have a heart attack over it? Then I realized that we're conditioned to feel this way. And you know whose fault it is? Those chicks from Sex and the City, Bridget Jones, Liz Lemon, Elaine Bettis (her only foil being George Costanza), and just about every other pathetic single female on both big and small screens. While Sex and the City tries to make its women seem strong and independent, all four have their downfalls. Charlotte is marriage obsessed. Carrie has no money (and really is irresponsible with the little she has). Samantha is a slut. Miranda fears being eaten by her cat. Seeing such beautiful, smart women unmarried and unattached and lamenting it at every turn is enough to give an entire generation of girls the shivers.

For men, it's different. They have the cool dudes of Entourage, where wives and girlfriends are often such pains-in-the-asses, that they're gotten rid of. And don't worry! If you get rid of one, more will follow! Single men in all movies (and, seemingly, in life) never have worries about getting married or being alone. There will always be some young thing naive enough to be duped into a relationship.

Why is single 30-dom such a touchy thing for me? Because I can easily see myself as Bridget Jones; sad, drunk, desperate. Thankfully, I'm as far from 32 as I am from 12. I've got a lot of growing, learning, and time left to do it in.

Should I sign up for match.com yet? Ugh.

cranky sundays

Today is just one of those days. Because this is not my personal journal (slash, no one really cares about how I'm feeling, and my blog was not designed for that purpose) I'm just going to muse about what causes crankiness.

I don't really have anything to blog about today, maybe that's making me crabby. I have always feared running out of things to say. I know I came up with something brilliant just yesterday, but it have since flown out of my head. But really, has my creativity dried up after only, what, five months? I'm sure not, and I've learned in my creative writing classes that some months, weeks, days are more productive than others.

But what is special about today? I'm not hormonal, so that wouldn't explain this inexplicable urge to cry (I probably won't it's just an urge). Perhaps I'm emotional over graduating, perhaps I'm really beginning to realize that I'm ready to move on, and that simply scares the shit out of me.

Perhaps just because it's Sunday. When I was a freshman at a college in Vermont (I transferred out before my sophomore year), Sunday was the worst day of the week. It was the day I was most homesick, the day I just wanted a mom cooked meal and a freshly folded pile of mom done laundry. It was always the day my then-boyfriend would leave for home if he was visiting, and the day I spent hungover in bed, cocooned within the four cement walls of my dorm while the world spinned outside. It seems I have moved on from the homesickness, but Sunday still feels like an empty day. I hope, in the future, Sunday can be less about feeling icky and more about embracing the idleness of the end of the week. Maybe I'll take this afternoon and simply lounge, stop thinking about all the homework I have to do and just read, relax. Maybe take a nap. And not think about the delicious roast beef my mom is making for dinner at home tonight.

Side note: I saw that new Miley Cyrus/Nicholas Sparks movie "The Last Song." I learned three things:
1. Miley Cyrus sucks at acting, and the way she holds her mouth pisses me off.
2. Apparently, love doesn't exist unless you're really good looking. If it does, no one wants to see it.
3. I laugh at inappropriate times, like when the girl in front of my was uncontrollably sobbing, and I couldn't stop giggling because the plot was so dumb.

Cool soundtrack though (aside from that TERRIBLE Miley song).

things that are bugging me this week

1. people that talk and talk and talk in class and never make a point. and say 'um' a lot.

2. couples holding hands ALL OVER CAMPUS. and sharing kisses. and sitting together in the library. boo.

3. research papers.

4. hangovers.

5. research papers.

6. people that shower more than once a day.

7. dave matthews

5 songs

1. Seu Jorge - Life on Mars

2. Mason Jennings - Ballad for My One True Love

3. B. o. B. - Nothin' on You

4. The Tallest Man on Earth - The Wild Hunt
(this is a live version, but the real one can be found on itunes)

5. Ryan Montbleu - 75 and Sunny

Ode to the Realistic, Self-Respesting People

What is with these "narratives" (I call them that for lack of a better word, for they are far, far too long to be called "quotes") that pontificate the bitterness of people who feel like they are too "nice"? There are two of these narratives, "Ode to Nice Guys" and "Ode to Nice Girls" that just whine for about five paragraphs about how nice they are and how the opposite sex either ignores them or takes advantage of them. They drive me crazy. To enlighten you of why I think these rants are complete crap, I'll give you a few examples.

From "Ode to Nice Guys"
"This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. "
Um, excuse me? Most girls need that litany of support? Obviously you're after the wrong kind of girl. A girl that is confident doesn't need you to tell her these things. She can figure it out for herself, and if she's one of those girls that does need all that constant attention, she will probably be the most annoying girlfriend in the entire world.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it.
Pathetic. Completely pathetic. Are you one of her gal pals? Why are you listening to this? If she doesn't know you're in love with her, she probably thinks you're gay. And why why why would you NOT tell her that her boyfriend is a jerk? If my best girl friend called me and was going on and on about two sentences her boyfriend said, I would tell her to stop being so whiny and either dump him or stop talking about it. And if he was a jerk, she should definitely break up with him. You're not doing this girl (who is obviously an idiot) any favors by telling her that it will all work out with the jerk boyfriend.

the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.”
Ouch-magouch! This guy has a serious chip on his shoulder. The girls he is after, like I said before, obviously have incredibly low self esteem, or are simply clueless. Here's my advice, dude: grow a pair. Ask her out. Kiss her. Make it known that you want her, and if she doesn't respond, MOVE ON. You'll look like a big vagina if you follow her around like a puppy dog. It's really not that difficult of a concept.

From "Ode to Nice Girls"
"This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt."
Oh please. If he doesn't like you, he doesn't like you. Guys check out everyone, even their female friends. If he wanted to be with you, he would, he should, make it known. Didn't anyone learn anything from He's Just Not that into You? He's probably gotten the hints. He's not interested.

"this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone"
False. He wants to be single for awhile, hook up with lots of girls. Why is that so hard to understand? If he wants to be in a relationship, he'll be in one. If he doesn't want to be in one with you, he won't be. It is not that difficult. We've all been led on, but we should all know that many guys say many things on behalf of their members. Not every guy is your soulmate, and this doesn't mean that every guy is a jerk. He's just human. You can't make anyone like you. They either will or they won't.

"this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup"
COME ON. Dissecting every word and syllable? This takes pathetic to an entire new level. He doesn't want to be with you if he wants to be with someone else. Stop pining. Yeah, sure, maybe you have hurt feelings, but someday we'll all find someone we really care about, and it will be 10 times better than any meaningless hook up.

This, my friends, is an ode to practical people. An ode to people who have an ounce of self respect. Those who, yeah, will go home with people from bars or parties but they never expect anything, realizing that you can't build a relationship out of drunk sex with someone you only know from sidelong looks in class. Those who go on dates with someone that may at first give them butterflies, but in the end realize that there isn't much chemistry, or that the two of you actually didn't have much in common. This is for people who get the message, understand when someone they might be interested in simply isn't interested back. This is for the people who allow themselves to be disappointed for a minute, but then remember that this is life and you can't make people want you, and they can't make you want them.

awesome date place

My cousin is getting married next month, and last night was her bachelorette party! We did a bunch of fun things, including bowling at one of the coolest places I've ever been: King's!

^click!

King's is a bowling/billiards/restaurant/bar, with a decided adult flair in Boston's Back Bay. I thought it would be such a fun place to go on a date! You can bowl (who doesn't love a little competitive flirting!), you can have cocktails or pitchers of beer, and appetizers like yummy nachos! There are big screen TVs that show baseball games and waitresses so you don't have to keep going back to the bar. A super, super cool place. If you're in the Boston area I highly recommend it!

Graduation Blues

For me, college will be over in a mere month and a half. It's something that is difficult to process. I'm excited to start a new chapter in my life, but what am I going to do without random Hogan sits and rugby practice and ski team and dorm life and parties in shitty houses on Caro street and my best best best friends? Since HC is a more regional school, chances are most of my friends will be concentrated in the Boston, New York, and DC metropolis, at least for the first couple of years. This, I am thankful for--a few of my cousins went to Brown and their friends are scattered across the globe.

But my whole musing, at this point, is about where I'm going to go come October. Yes, I'll wait tables out on the Vineyard (because I'm broke, and really, come on, who can resist?) until a few weeks after Labor Day. But then what? Should I move home and try to work in Boston? Should I move to New York, an unfamiliar city which might eat me and spit me back out? Should I look for permanent or temporary? What if I hate my job?

Until now, we have been conditioned to think in four year increments. Four years of elementary, middle, and high school, four years of college. Everything is temporary, a stepping stone until the next thing. Faced with the reality of forever is daunting. In September I will not return to school for the first time in 22 years of living. There will be no need for new notebooks and pens, no textbooks, no new classes. It's refreshing, really, but refreshing doesn't make it less painful. I find myself unable to make a decision about my future beyond this summer. Yes, I want to go to New York, but what will I be able to afford? Where do I want to get a job? Who will care a lick about my resume, my writing, me, at least enough to hire me? Will I want to work for them?

I find myself envious of people that have set plans: law school, med school, Teach for America, Jesuit Volunteer Corps. Sometimes I feel like all the work I've ever done hasn't amounted to anything. I guess I just have a lot of thinking to do.

I don't mean to be so gloomy about it. I'm not afraid of change, and in fact I'm excited to start another chapter in my life. I'm excited about the people I'm going to meet, and the people I'm going to keep in my life.