Monday, April 12, 2010

Ode to the Realistic, Self-Respesting People

What is with these "narratives" (I call them that for lack of a better word, for they are far, far too long to be called "quotes") that pontificate the bitterness of people who feel like they are too "nice"? There are two of these narratives, "Ode to Nice Guys" and "Ode to Nice Girls" that just whine for about five paragraphs about how nice they are and how the opposite sex either ignores them or takes advantage of them. They drive me crazy. To enlighten you of why I think these rants are complete crap, I'll give you a few examples.

From "Ode to Nice Guys"
"This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. "
Um, excuse me? Most girls need that litany of support? Obviously you're after the wrong kind of girl. A girl that is confident doesn't need you to tell her these things. She can figure it out for herself, and if she's one of those girls that does need all that constant attention, she will probably be the most annoying girlfriend in the entire world.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it.
Pathetic. Completely pathetic. Are you one of her gal pals? Why are you listening to this? If she doesn't know you're in love with her, she probably thinks you're gay. And why why why would you NOT tell her that her boyfriend is a jerk? If my best girl friend called me and was going on and on about two sentences her boyfriend said, I would tell her to stop being so whiny and either dump him or stop talking about it. And if he was a jerk, she should definitely break up with him. You're not doing this girl (who is obviously an idiot) any favors by telling her that it will all work out with the jerk boyfriend.

the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.”
Ouch-magouch! This guy has a serious chip on his shoulder. The girls he is after, like I said before, obviously have incredibly low self esteem, or are simply clueless. Here's my advice, dude: grow a pair. Ask her out. Kiss her. Make it known that you want her, and if she doesn't respond, MOVE ON. You'll look like a big vagina if you follow her around like a puppy dog. It's really not that difficult of a concept.

From "Ode to Nice Girls"
"This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt."
Oh please. If he doesn't like you, he doesn't like you. Guys check out everyone, even their female friends. If he wanted to be with you, he would, he should, make it known. Didn't anyone learn anything from He's Just Not that into You? He's probably gotten the hints. He's not interested.

"this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone"
False. He wants to be single for awhile, hook up with lots of girls. Why is that so hard to understand? If he wants to be in a relationship, he'll be in one. If he doesn't want to be in one with you, he won't be. It is not that difficult. We've all been led on, but we should all know that many guys say many things on behalf of their members. Not every guy is your soulmate, and this doesn't mean that every guy is a jerk. He's just human. You can't make anyone like you. They either will or they won't.

"this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup"
COME ON. Dissecting every word and syllable? This takes pathetic to an entire new level. He doesn't want to be with you if he wants to be with someone else. Stop pining. Yeah, sure, maybe you have hurt feelings, but someday we'll all find someone we really care about, and it will be 10 times better than any meaningless hook up.

This, my friends, is an ode to practical people. An ode to people who have an ounce of self respect. Those who, yeah, will go home with people from bars or parties but they never expect anything, realizing that you can't build a relationship out of drunk sex with someone you only know from sidelong looks in class. Those who go on dates with someone that may at first give them butterflies, but in the end realize that there isn't much chemistry, or that the two of you actually didn't have much in common. This is for people who get the message, understand when someone they might be interested in simply isn't interested back. This is for the people who allow themselves to be disappointed for a minute, but then remember that this is life and you can't make people want you, and they can't make you want them.

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