Chances are, if you were anything like me growing up, you watched LOTS of Disney movies. Chances are, if you were anything like me, you had lots of big time CRUSHES on Disney boys. And I was hardcore about these guys, too. In my head, I was totally their love interest--they just hadn't met me yet. But I've been thinking about these crushes lately and what they say about how I choose men, and which men I'm interested in (which, I've proven, has always been those who, for one reason or another, are never interested back). Join me in my psychoanalysis of myself? I bet you never thought I'd ask.
He was mean. He was controlling. He was, by all intents and purposes, beastly. And I loved him. Oooh yes Beast, Belle's been a brat! Yell at her some more! How dare she not come to dinner! And then, beneath that hard, gruff exterior, poor sap's nursing a broken heart. Be still my heart. Why do we all love The Beast so much? I mean, Celine Dion sings it beautifully: tale as old as time...But what tale, exactly, Celine? The one in which women are attracted to guys that are mean and make excuses for them--they are damaged souls just in need of a little tender lovin care (and a pretty face to look at)? The one in which women are kept locked away and then expected to not be angry about it? We're a sick, sick society. If anything, the love story of Beauty and the Beast is one of twisted Stockholm Syndrome.
Yes, I'm talking about Disney's 1995 depiction of Twain's Adventures of Tom Sawyer: Tom & Huck. And while Tom (aptly played by the Tiger Beat star, Jonathan Taylor Thomas) has his mischievous and cheeky cuteness, I was way more into the mysterious Huckleberry Finn. Did I love him because of his blond hair and boyish face? Maybe. Did I love him because he was manlier and bigger than Tom Sawyer, and he looks so cool eating that apple and living in a clearing in the woods? Perhaps. But I think I loved him more because he was a drifter without family, and perhaps a past of pain that I could console. Or we could just run away together, that would have worked out, too.
I actually always felt a little sorry for Tinkerbell. She was loyal and steadfast, and loved Peter with her whole heart. And then this priss Wendy comes along and steals Tink's thunder! I always found Wendy to be pretty uptight and nervous about everything. Oh PETER, HELP me Peter! Oooo, I'm so helpless! Oh, Petey-pan, lose the ball-and-chain. I'll be your playmate forever! I won't get scared, I won't be afraid to get a little dirty and live in the woods. I think I dug Peter Pan's ripped up clothes and bare feet. Besides, he had it right, why would anyone want to grow up? Peter's a cool dude. Seems like he knows how to party, and is also down for a good rumble every now and again. Come to think of it, most guys I know now are kind of like Peter Pan. Hmm.
Runners up included (but not limited to) John Smith (Pocahontas), Simba (The Lion King), Woody (Toy Story--don't ask) and Eric (The Little Mermaid). Each offer more of the same: gruff but stragely sensitive, wounded souls that needed my attention. Except for Prince Eric. He was just sexy. I think it was the hair. And the dimples.