I must be the only person in America.

I hate the move Elf. I know, I know, you're all collectively GASPING. When I tell people I don't like Elf, they react like I've just said I hate puppies. But, you know what? Sorry I'm not sorry. Elf may have it's moments ("does syrup have sugar in it? then yes."), but I think that it's an all around creep-tastic film that Americans simply latched onto because it's quotable.

The real reasons I don't like Elf are as follows:
1. Will Ferrell has been in too many other movies where sexual innuendo and lewd jokes (which I do happen to find pee-your-pants on the laughability scale) have been the main attraction. It's hard to see him outside of that context. I can't help but imagine Ron Burgundy in that silly yellow leggings costume screaming "Veronica Corningstone and I had SEX and now we are in LOOOVE!" which is such a disturbing mix of movie characters. Elf's Buddy has this stupidity that leads to weird sexual jokes which he doesn't even know are weird. I know that Buddy is supposed to come off as sweet and endearing...I just find him kind of gross.

2. The scene where Buddy sings to his 'dad', who so obviously conceived Buddy in a brief love affair that shames him to remember, is PAINFULLY awkward. Which is confusing to me. Most of the awkwardness in Will Ferrell movies his pulled off in a funny manner, but this movie, and this scene in particular, just makes me feel uncomfortable.

3. Throughout the movie, Buddy's severe naivete borders on handicap: take him out of The North Pole context, he may have a touch of Asbergers. Or Tourette's. And that's not really a laughing matter.

4. Buddy's relationship with Zooey Dechanel's character is also strange. Here, I thought we were dealing with essentially a child's mind in a man's body, but then enter this blond elfin sexpot who works at the local mall who Buddy listens to in the shower, and all of the sudden we have a voyeur who "doesn't know it's wrong." And at the end they're in love, and if you have seen a lot of Will Ferrell movies, you can't help but feel weird about "Buddy" having "relations" with what's-her-face. And your mind is all, wait...isn't he like, a kid? The whole move has overtones of the Robin Williams movie Jack, about the boy who ages too fast and looks like a 40 year old at 10. Perhaps I would feel differently without this whole relationship in the movie's context if it wasn't there.

So hate me all you want. What I see in Elf isn't funny or endearing, but more of a very weird Jack meets Forrest Gump meets The Santa Clause. On the other hand, I love Jim Carrey's The Grinch. Maybe I should start seeing a therapist. I have some Christmas feelings I think I need to work through.